This Is It

'This is it' I thought as my hand holding the Smeg knife hovered in front of my heart. 'But do I really want to do this?' I asked myself 'yes' I said as i plunged the knife into my heart. A searing pain filled my thoughts untill i could not think at all.'Why am I not dying?' I asked myself franticly. I waited and waited, for years, decades, the searing pain stayed and I did not die. I am still here, lying on the ground, at 76 years old. Please help me.... Please...